You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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