it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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