I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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