It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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