Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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