It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
COCAINE IS GR8
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
