with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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