margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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