I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
