If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
