I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
