I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm like, not good at living.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
