I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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