We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
