he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
