We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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