i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
