Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
