Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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