My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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