2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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