I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
