I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
