Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
