what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
