Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she looked like the before picture.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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