I have demons in me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
