WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
