Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
