Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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