can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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