It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
