Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
