The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
