Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
