it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
