I want to have your abortion
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
