I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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