I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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