Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
