It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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