My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
