Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
