Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
