just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
God, I missed his penis.
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