Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
