i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They took my balls.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
