If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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