So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
