I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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