Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
